Overwhelmed

It's been a long day. A really, really, really long day. And, at the end of it, the bottom line is something that I've known all along...

My daughter is the most beautiful, precious, sweet, loving little girl whom I am endlessly proud of and who has blessed my life in ways I never imagined.

And, she also has a developmental delay.

Somehow, however, knowing in my heart that Lydie has a developmental delay and having a doctor actually diagnose it are worlds apart. Particularly when it comes to how I am feeling about it and how I am processing the idea of the mountain ahead that we are about to climb.

The basic facts are that she has the adaptive skills (self-feeding, self-help, life skills, etc.) of a four month old and the gross motor skills (large movements like rolling over, crawling, standing, etc.) of a six month old. Tomorrow she will turn nine months old.

As far as fine motor skills are concerned, she's right on target. Verbally, she's pretty much where she should be, although they think she ought to be putting multiple consonants together instead of just repeating the ones she starts. For example, she will say "dadadadada" for a while and then switch to "bababababa." The doctors said she should be putting some of those together like "dabadabagaga", more like babbling. Socially, she's also exactly where she should be, complete with screaming bloody murder as soon as the doctor touched her. Clearly, her stranger anxiety is right on target.

The doctors did all sorts of tests and exams and whatnot. I felt like they were speaking a foreign language around me that I had no way of understanding or interpreting, which can make anyone feel pretty defeated, especially a mama. What I did understand is that we are to begin physical therapy through the Alexandria Infant & Toddler program (formerly Babies Can't Wait) as soon as possible, and in the next two to three weeks, we will have to take Lydie back to the hospital to be sedated and undergo an MRI. Apparently, there is some concern that since her muscle tone seems to be just fine, a portion of her spinal cord could be hampered in some way, which could possibly be corrected with neurosurgery.

Can I tell you how fast my heart started beating when I heard the word "neurosurgery" in relation to my daughter?

In short, there are two ways things could go here:

1.) Lydie undergoes physical therapy as much and as often as needed until we get her up to speed.

-or-

2.) Along with physical therapy, Lydie might also have to have further medical and/or surgical procedures to correct the problems she's having.

Regardless, Danny and I are committed to doing anything and everything we can possibly do to help her progress. We just love her so much and are so sad that she is having to go through this.

Honestly, I have a hunch that this whole situation isn't about her at all. I think there is a far greater plan in motion here to test our faith in God as individuals and as a married couple. It is designed to find out how quickly we'll allow the enemy to sneak his way into our lives when the going gets tough. We haven't yet faced a situation like this, and, as fiercely as we love our children, this is a good place to measure our collective temperature.

Admittedly, although I was clinging to God all day today for a special dose of strength, I also readily gave way to a pity party all the way home and through this evening. I've had a hard time processing all we learned today, but it's time to get over it, accept it for what it is, and get this show on the road.

I often think of the saying, "Don't go by what you feel. Go by what you know."

Here's what I know:

1.) God is good all the time and all the time God is good.
2.) God has good things planned for those who love Him.
3.) God can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine.
4.) Our God is the Great Physician and He trumps every medical nuance in existence. And, best of all, He's in the business of healing!
5.) We have A LOT to be thankful for. This situation could be a million times worse, and we are so grateful that we are equipped to provide Lydie with what she needs and more.
6.) Our family will only get better and stronger by rising up to our challenges and keeping Satan out of our business.

I'm sure there are many more truths I could think of if I weren't so dang tired. Did I mention that it was a really long day?

Please keep us in your prayers as we work like crazy to help our adorable, dimple-faced, brown-eyed darling. She's so amazing. I can't wait to see her crawling and toddling around before long!!