On Our Own

You know that song "Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson? Well, when it came out a couple of years ago (has it been that long?), I drove everyone around me crazy by turning the volume all the way up when it came on the radio. I just knew Kelly had recorded that song especially for me, and I sang the lyrics at the top of my lungs to show my appreciation.

Those of you who know me well know how head-strong, stubborn, and independent I am. Sometimes I'm a little ridiculous with my strong will, but at least I get it honest. I have never wanted to be so dependent on any one person that I couldn't function on my own. I have maintained this independence, for the most part, since I married Danny, but it has been put to the test twice: once, when Danny deployed to Iraq, and the second time, today.

You see, Danny and I make a pretty awesome team. We can get things done (or not get them done) like champs. We just work well together, even when there's some fussing involved. So, I always want him around when there are challenges to be met because I know we can succeed together. Naturally, having a new baby is a huge challenge. I like having a teammate on this one because there's no way I could do this on my own. But, today, I had to face the music. Danny had to go back to work.

I have been dreading this day for the entire two weeks he has been off. I knew there would be no naps, no eating, no breaks from 7 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. That seemed totally insurmountable. But, my stubborn self decided I would be as tough as possible and make it through the day without incident. That was a good plan until 4 a.m. when Tyler woke up crying and hungry and didn't go back to sleep until almost 8 a.m. Around 5 a.m., I lost just about all my patience (and had no idea that this insanity would continue for another three hours) and Danny was up trying to help me thirty minutes before his alarm was set to go off (don't you hate when you wake up with like five minutes to spare?). Eventually, he had to get ready to go to work and couldn't come to my rescue anymore. Then, he had to leave. I was so mad and frustrated with the crying baby I was holding that I could barely choke up a "goodbye" and "I love you." Not two seconds after he walked out the door, I was in tears. Not little tears but big, sobbing, can't breathe tears. It was traumatic, and my independence shattered before my eyes.

Being one to promote power over pity, I sucked up my pride, got the kid to sleep, and turned on Good Morning America. Something about GMA followed by Racheal Ray makes me wake-up and feel refreshed in the morning. I had already decided that Tyler would be initiated into the Baby Wise system of living today, so I had to get myself together in order to start this new routine. [For those who aren't familiar, Baby Wise is a theory of child rearing that promotes self-soothing so that babies learn a routine and are able to fall asleep without any crutches like being rocked or only sleeping in certain conditions. There are lots of different ideas out there about this theory, but I've seen it be a huge success with several friends, and I don't want to be rocking Tyler to sleep when he's 25. Ultimately, children sleep through the night earlier and more soundly when they use this routine, and I am all for a sound night's sleep!] Baby Wise requires babies to eat, have some play time, and then nap, rather than falling asleep right after they eat. So, as I was regaining my energy and strength, I was developing a plan for the day's activities and vowed to wake my sleeping prince at 10 a.m. even though I just wanted him to sleep for another ten hours.

Our Baby Wise initiation day went really well. Tyler has been half asleep but actively eating at every feeding time, and he seems to have enjoyed our play times. We even made it out for a walk and met a new friend at the mailbox. He has only cried a little bit at the beginning of his naps and quickly gets himself to sleep. I am anxious to see how long he will sleep tonight; if he'd go for a four hour stretch, I'd be thrilled!

All in all our very trying morning turned out to be a really nice day. I even managed to get a shower and get dressed before noon. Hooray! I am still clinging to my independence because I can muster it when it's desperately needed, but I admit that having a partner like Danny sure makes life a lot easier. God bless him for putting up with me!!

This was going to be tummy time, but Ty isn't quite strong enough for that yet, so we made it back time. He enjoyed watching Mommy shake the rattle around and listening to her renditions of various children's songs. We are hoping he gets his Daddy's knack for music because he certainly won't get it from his mother.