Today was one of those days where I truly believed that people should have to apply to have children and that my application should have been denied. I just couldn't get in a groove all day, and my mind wandered around hoping I was doing everything right by Tyler and not screwing him up too badly. Around lunchtime, I told Danny that I was about to get in the car, drive to Canada, and never come back. Super-Nanny could surely do a better job; maybe she'd be available for hire. I was just that upset with my limited qualifications in the mothering department.
This pathetic attitude went on for most of the day until I was able to catch a nap somewhere between the start and finish of Oprah. After that, Danny came home and I was able to actually cook dinner (although it was just fish sticks, macaroni, and a can of peas, but at least it was fixed), and I gave Ty a bath all by myself. Maintaining control of a slippery little wiggle-worm was enough to help me redeem myself to my own being.
I don't know. It was just one of those days when I felt so inferior. These little people don't come with instructions and they can't tell you when there's something wrong. That intimidates the heck out of me because I just don't want to do anything so wrong that I damage the poor kid for the rest of his life. I know he won't even remember these days, but I will. I just want to do the best I can for him, and sometimes that seems like an insurmountable task.
My hope comes from God, though, because I know He wouldn't have given me the little fella across the hall if He didn't think that I was capable of raising him well. And, that little fella, I might add, smells so yummy after his bath and is so cute in a new outfit from Aunt Joy. If he weren't already asleep I'd get a picture to show you. You just wouldn't believe how sweet that little guy is.
Praise God for the miracle of babies and for giving us, as parents, strength when we need it most.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Not Qualified
Posted by The Watsons at 9:37 PM
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5 comments:
You are hitting the tip of the iceberg. Hang on, because the road is going to get a lot rockier before it gets better. You hit the nail on the head with the first sentence of the second to last graph. Just remember that when times get rough. And, don't forget to nap when you can. That is key during these first few weeks.
Hang in there. Post some pics of your mama and baby Tyler!!!
awwwww jenn. hang in there! i promise it gets better. but i remember those days (still have them every once in a while too). you love them to death, but scared you're going to do something wrong, feeling like you don't know what you're doing, and your mind and emotions are out of control. it does get better. it's a hard but sweet time to look back on.
and in that book i am reading (it's called operating instructions by anne la-something?) there was a funny quote today.
"being a new mom is like learning how to put nail polish on your right hand with your left hand for the first time. you can DO it, but it doesn't look all that great around the cuticles."
you are doing a great job - and enjoy that baby smell! :)
girl, welcome to motherhood! it is wonderful, but a wonderful rollercoaster...we all have up and down days, but in the end we learn, live and grow from these experiences...you will look back and laugh at this later, when Ty man wakes up all the time, it really gets fun! Enjoy all this sleeping now!
Love you and ready for yall to come to Georgia!!!
Love in Christ, Kyle
i hope you are feeling much better today. Keep your chin up...every day is a brand new adventure for you and Tyler--just remember that. God would not have blessed you with a child if he didn't think you could do this...you are an amazing mother. Short of criminal actions, you aren't going to damage that child--he'll grow up to be a very strong-willed, independent Watson before you know it! Just wait until the day when you try to feed him dinner and EVERYTHING you put in front of him, he says no and shakes his head.
I'm with Julie...I want to see pics of Nana with baby Tyler...tell her not to steal all the kisses.
I am thinking good thoughts and I know Tyler is loving you more than you'll ever know. Hang in there.
It's tough, but you have conquered tough MANY times before. You didn't know how to edit a newspaper, either, but you learned. And it's still thriving thanks to what you do. (I know. Lame analogy. But you conquered that, too).
Tyler loves you. Danny loves you. WE love you. God loves you.
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