Speechless

I don't have much to say tonight. My mind is racing with a million thoughts, a million worries, a million wishes, and a million prayers.

My mom called me this afternoon to tell me that my aunt, Judy, had found my cousin, Jason, dead in his bedroom around 1:30. No visible cause. No explanation. Just the lifeless body of a young man who'd barely had a chance to live.

I'm speechless.

No parent should ever, ever, ever have to bury their child, but I'm afraid this happens more often than we think. What a terrible tragedy.

The picture of me as a five or six year old little girl holding Jason as an infant continues to race through my mind. When I get a copy, I'll share it with you. It's one of my favorite pictures to look at when I visit my mom's house.

Tonight, I have several specific prayer requests:

• Please pray for my aunt, Judy, and my uncle, Steve, that they will find some calm in this storm. I ask that you pray for them to cling to God rather than run from Him. Pray that the stress and shock of planning their firstborn's funeral and burial will become a time for them to relish in memories instead of tears. Also, please pray that in the weeks to come, as a sort of normalcy returns around them, family and friends will not forget to continue extending their love during this difficult time.
• Please pray especially hard for my other cousin, Andrew (you saw pics of him from my trip to Georgia...I hated that we couldn't see Jason then and now I really hate it). Andrew is 19, just graduated from high school, and has always adored his big brother. He was home when Judy found Jason, and he tried to do CPR to resuscitate him. I know he is taking this really hard. Pray that he won't push God any further away. Pray that he will seek help and comfort when he needs it. Just pray that, while he'll never forget his brother, he will be able to move forward from this tragedy.
• Pray for my grandparents. Their health is fragile, and they aren't taking this well. Grandmother, especially, has verbalized concerns over her heart problems and whether this stress will stir up another heart attack. They lost a son many years ago, and to now lose a grandson is sure to bring up a lot of memories and a lot of emotions. Pray that they can be strong for Steve, Judy, and Andrew while taking care of themselves at the same time.
• Pray for the rest of my family and for Jason's family on his mother's side, as this news obviously hits hard.
• I am going home as soon as possible. I was already scheduled to go to Virgina on Monday to spend a few days with Julie, so I might have to rearrange some things. Delta is not very kind on your wallet when you need to make emergency changes. Please pray that travel arrangements will be made with ease, and pray that I am able to have God's mercy and favor as I try to do all of this with Tyler in tow and only one suitcase in which to pack. Also, pray that I will be able to shield Ty from the grief and sadness as much as possible. I don't want him to absorb my emotions and be scared by his mommy being upset. I'm not ready for him to embrace the harshness of this life.

I'm not sure how else to direct your prayers. I just know (and I told Judy this when I spoke with her) that I haven't been a mother very long, but I know that losing a child scares me more than anything. I don't know how many times I've begged God to let me outlive Tyler and any other children I may have, but I know that, ultimately, God is in control of their lives as much as He's in control of mine. More than anything, I know He won't ever give us more than we can handle. If He brings us to it, He'll lead us through it.

Thank you for praying for us. I will let you know more about how you can specifically pray as the needs arise.

Psalms 139:13-16

verse 16: "...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."