Just So Thankful

I don't have much to report today. After blog surfing until 2 a.m. and then holding a prayer vigil in Tyler's room until 2:30 a.m. (long, long story), the Lord gave me the strength to battle Satan's temptations to the contrary and get myself and my family to church this morning. I'm so thankful we went.

We have been incredibly blessed by the church that God has led us to here in San Antonio (FBCUC). So much so that I am in complete awe of how passionately excited I am to go there because I know that I am going to know more, love more, and believe more than I thought possible by the time I leave. I, literally, hang on every word of every song we sing and eagerly listen to Pastor David's sermons because I truly feel like I am at the feet of Jesus when he preaches. I've never felt that way before.

Today, in Sunday School, we talked about our testimonies and whether we are comfortable sharing them. I'm not. Mostly because I don't feel like I have experienced an amazing redemption story or some unfathomable circumstance that has led me to God. Honestly, I can't even remember exactly how old I was when I was saved. My guess would be seven, but I am not completely sure (Mom, can you help out here?).

What I do remember, very clearly, is riding home from church one night in the backseat of our white Toyota Corolla and asking my mom what it meant to be saved. I even remember the traffic light turning from red to green as I began this conversation, a strange sort of symbolism I've never realized before now. I don't remember her words. I think I already knew what I needed to know, and I was just looking for an adult to validate my understanding. After that, she did exactly the right thing and got me to the preacher's office as soon as his schedule permitted. I remember being in Brother Mike's office and feeling so, so small. He led me through the steps to salvation using colored construction paper, much like the salvation bracelets people wear today. Black represented sin. Red represented the blood of Christ. So on and so forth.

Eventually, Brother Mike and I knelt down using the very chair I had been sitting in to lean on and bow our heads in prayer. Again, I have zero recollection of what was said, but I know I was saved.

After that, Brother Mike prepared me to be baptized at a coming worship service. I was petrified. Not because I didn't want to be in front of all those people, and not because I didn't believe in God or have faith in my decision. Because I just knew I would drown. You see, at that point I hadn't learned to swim under water without holding my nose. I made him go over and over with me how he would cover my mouth and nose with the handkerchief and how he would be sure that no water went up my nose and cause me to drown right there in front of the church. I suppose I was also too young to realize that there would be no better way to go!

Once I was saved and baptized in believer's baptism, I continued going to church regularly as a child and into my adolescent years. I remember being a part of my youth group and being at the church every time the doors were opened. It was a spiritual experience to some degree at that point, but I think, at that stage in life, it was also a social experience. I think the social often outweighed the spiritual.

In college, I was more involved in my sorority, the campus newspaper, and a very handsome law student to be bothered by church. Don't get me wrong: I might have prayed more in those years than I ever had before. My beliefs didn't waver, but my attention to the details did.

Fortunately, God prepared Danny and I for one another long before we were ever aware of His plan for our lives. He also prepared us to lead a military lifestyle; a life I never, ever, in a million years dreamed I'd live. What a blessing! I have seen God's hand in my life more in the past five years than ever before. It has been amazing and beautiful to watch.

At each place we've lived during our marriage, God has, very specifically, nurtured a part of my soul that needed nurturing at the time.

In New Mexico, I was a newlywed. I had never lived outside the state of Georgia and had just been tossed in the desert. I knew it was sink or swim, just without the water! I was petrified, lonely, and in need of some sort of something to lean on. I found a little job at Ark Animal Hospital once I realized that my Mass Communication degree was going to be worthless as an Air Force wife. I know God led me there, to that specific job, to those specific people, for a purpose: it was in them I found a family away from home. During the year I worked there, I grew and matured in ways I was surprised by. I eventually decided to look into pursuing a degree that would travel well with my new lifestyle and give me a profession in which to work wherever I landed. I briefly considered nursing and then came to my senses--I don't do blood. Or vomit. Or bowel stuff. A nurse I am not. So, I checked into teaching, which I know made my mother's stomach turn, but it was something I'd always wanted to do. After all, I'd watched her do it my entire life. Frankly, I had been learning to teach since I was born. It was a natural fit.

To make an already long story short, I had the most amazing time studying at New Mexico State University. I met some of the most awesome friends there (sweet, sweet Heather!) and watched God unfold my talents right before my eyes. During those 45 minute drives through the desert between Alamogordo and Las Cruces at all hours of the day and night, I had an awesome chance to talk with God. There's no telling how many shooting stars I witnessed, how many moons I saw clearly in the sky, how many roadrunners crossed my path, and how many coyotes waited patiently to cross the road. All of these moments were of God as He gently reminded me of His majesty and authority. In New Mexico, God nurtured my academic interests while, through nature, He led me closer to Him.

When we moved to Louisiana, I was automatically placed into the most perfect situation for student teaching and for my first years as a bona fide educator. How masterfully God choreographed our move and my career and eased my fears as I saw Him prove that I can depend on Him to look after all my needs. It was during this time that I faced one of my greatest challenges to date: Danny's deployment. I won't waste your time with more details than you want to know, but I will tell you that during my darkest hours, God put me exactly where He wanted me and brought exactly the right people into my life. Oh, Lord, how I thank you for Sarah and Jessica and Valerie and Tiffany and all the others who so sweetly eased my pain and loved me when I needed it most. I remember telling Sarah on numerous occasions how it would be impossible for me to ever repay her for her support and friendship, and she told me that the best way to repay her would be to pay it forward. Do the same thing for someone else. Isn't that the most Christ-like response she could have given? She was absolutely hand-picked by God to see me through those months. And, now, I have had several opportunities to pay it forward. I don't know that I do it as well as she did, but I give it my all because I know how much it means to have someone to lean on when your normal pillar is gone. So, in Louisiana, God nurtured my professional life, but He also used some amazing angels to show me His love.

Now, in Texas, it is very, very clear that God is ready to work on my spiritual life. I moved here with great hesitance and have battled spiritual warfare from the first day I landed here. I have looked at my situation through negative lenses, knowing that God was really all I needed and realizing that He would provide a blessing in my life as long as I was open to receive it.

The most obvious blessing He has given me is Tyler. I still stare at my sweet baby with wonder and bewilderment about how giving him life and loving him has completely transformed my existence. I now know, as only a parent can, just how much God loves me. How was He able to send His son to this earth and watch Him be crucified on a cross for me? I could never, never, never willingly give Tyler's life as a sacrifice for someone else's misgivings. Never. I stand in amazement that that is exactly what God did. I think of Christ on that cross and his mother, Mary, at his feet, and I automatically think of Tyler and put myself in Mary's shoes. It's humbling, to say the least.

Not only did the Lord use my baby to bring me closer to Him, he has now provided the most wonderful church for us to attend. To this point in our marriage, we had gone to church rather haphazardly. We always felt guilty about not regularly attending a church, but we never found one in New Mexico or in Louisiana that we really wanted to be a part of. So, we praised God from afar and that was enough. At the time. Add a baby who you are completely and totally responsible for and you have a radically new understanding of the importance of church in your life. I am so, so thankful that God led us to FBCUC. There are no words that I can write here that can possibly convey how much that church has impacted my life. Every week, I learn just how little I know about the Bible and about God. We are blessed to be in a Sunday School class that is more about scholarly understanding of the Bible than a place to socialize and lightly touch on a few biblical principles. We are fortunate to have a worship leader who, with ease, brings an entire sanctuary to a place of true worship within moments. And, Pastor David, as I already said, is a preacher I could listen to for hours. In fact, if he wanted to preach all day long, I'd listen. He's just that good. To show you even more how much I love our church, I haven't been to Wednesday night church since I was in high school. Now, I can't wait until Wednesday night discipleship training. I love that, as a congregation, we memorize a verse from the Bible every month, and that the ministers care so deeply that we all have a personal relationship with God that they design quiet time notebooks for us to use to study the Bible and talk with God. Pastor David is such a shepard with these things, as well. Every Sunday he asks us to raise our hands if we were in the Word five days during the past week, and he has us recite the month's verse. It is nurturing. It is sincere. It is safe. And, this church, without a doubt, has been a gift to us from God.

So, in Texas, God is working on my relationship with Him. He is teaching me and loving me and giving me the right sanctuary at exactly the right time. The story is not over, and I look forward to what the coming year will bring.

That's it. That's my testimony. I guess I did share it after all, huh? It's not too exciting, but it's mine and I am proud of every part of it.

I am sorry that I opened this entry tonight saying that I didn't have much to report today. I suppose I got off on a tangent, and I beg your forgiveness. If nothing else, Tyler will one day know how I came to know the Lord and how God has impacted my life in so many different places and in so many different ways. He's amazing. His love is amazing. Amazing, amazing is His love.