Lee-zard, Lee-zard

Texas is a unique place. It encompasses all sorts of people, plants, landscapes, and critters. Currently, I am having a problem with the latter.

The critters here are vastly different from those of anywhere else I've been. First, there are more crickets in my driveway and garage than I've ever laid eyes on in my whole life. They, literally, number in the hundreds just at my house, and I live in a very large neighborhood. It's about time that we just build them their own house so they leave the rest of us alone. Second, there are large toads that you could easily mistake for rocks on the sidewalk when you walk in the evenings. They are so big, and they don't hop away until you are right on them. Plus, they have that slimy look about them. Third, there are lizards (the big green and brown ones), one of which inhabits the bushes beside my front door and often appears sunning on the rocks during the day. He scared me to death the first time I saw him because I thought he was a snake. Of course, Danny thinks he's cute and fabulous while I am constantly trying to avoid him. The worst critters, however, are the geckos.

Now, these Texans call these creatures geckos, but I call them disgusting-looking lizards. They are not cute and green-I had one of those that lived on our back porch in Louisiana, and I couldn't get enough of him. He was just too cute. No, these gecko things are a fleshy, orange color, and they make my skin crawl just to look at them. They vary in size, but they all have that snaky look about them, which makes them heinous in my book.

Well, last weekend, Danny and I came home one evening and I rushed to the restroom (pregnancy bladder) while he rushed to let Daisy out for her own potty break. Next thing I know, he is standing over me in the bathroom with a suspicious smile on his face and says, "Hey, Jenn, just so you know, one of those little lizards ran in the house when I let Daisy out." WHAT???

Of course, I immediately freak out and run to the kitchen to survey the area. No lizard in sight. After about 20 minutes of panic, I decided that the stupid thing was just going to have to stay put because there was no way I was going to find him until he decided to reappear.

And reappear he did. On Wednesday, when I went to write on the calender that hangs on the wall, he shot out from beneath the pages. I nearly had a heart attack in the middle of the kitchen. I quickly gained my composure and tried to think of a way to catch him while he was in sight (mind you, I'm cringing at the same time because it so grosses me out to even see him on my wall). I grab a flower vase and try to shoo him in it so that I can throw him over the fence in the backyard. Instead of going into the vase, he climbed higher up the wall and is now residing on top of my cabinets somewhere. Unfortunately, Danny does not seem too interested in getting up there to evacuate the nuisance.

So, I'm just mortified that a lizard is living in my house, and I can't think about anything else when I go into the kitchen except for wondering where he is. As of yesterday, he was my only problem. But, now I have two.

At 4:30 a.m. (this morning) I woke up for a bathroom visit (pregnancy bladder, again). Daisy got up with me. While I was in the bathroom, I looked to the left and saw what appeared to be a lizard body on the wall in the foyer. I blinked my eyes several times imagining that I was in some sort of bad dream, but the blinking didn't move said body.

Daisy and I went to investigate. Before I knew it, she was chasing this thing across the foyer. It was much, much smaller than the lizard that is living in the kitchen, so I know that it is a second uninvited guest. Well, Daisy wouldn't let me get close enough to see what we were dealing with, but she was pouncing it with her big puppy paws and I hoped she would kill it. Eventually, she backed away, and I saw what makes me want to gag just to write it for your entertainment and information. When I looked down, there was nothing on the floor except for a lizard tail without its body. And it was wiggling and writhing all by itself.

At that moment, I thought I was about to have my second heart attack of the week. I know that lizard tails break off easily, but I didn't know that it would take on its own life. While watching this lizard tail moving all over the place, I was contemplating two things: 1. What in the world am I going to do with this tail, and 2. Where is the rest of the lizard?

I found an envelope to slide beneath the tail and transport it to the toilet where I promptly flushed it out of my life. Then, I tried to understand if Daisy had eaten the other half of the lizard or if its tailless self was running loose in my house. I determined, after chatting with Daisy, that we had a loose lizard on our hands, and its already horrendous-looking self will look even more awful when we see it again. I kind of hope I never see it again.

Believe me when I tell you that living in Texas really is for cowboys and rugged folks. Those of us who enjoy clean, pest-free homes, don't stand a chance in this state. I can handle the occasional ant parade or roach, but having two lizards in my house is making me want to move to the moon.

I guess it's a good thing that we are heading to Georgia for the next week. At least I won't have to be in the same house with the lizards; they can have the place to themselves, and hopefully, they won't procreate.

I will be absent from the blogging world for the next eight or so days, so I will catch up with all of you when I return. I really hope to see some of your smiling faces up close and personally while I'm in your geographic area!

Love to you all!